Dear Byog

Hey here hon,

You and I need to talk. Right now, we're just casual friend... and I want more from this relationship than that. I think we should take it to the next level. I know we haven't been together for long, but I'm ok with that, and I think you are, too. I think about you a lot... Just wanting to let you know.

~Me.

Hyper-Whelmed

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed.... but can you ever be just 'whelmed'?"

"I think you can in Europe..."

I applied for college yesterday. I know school starts in like 3 weeks, but better late than never, right? I hope so... because last night, I was hanging out with some of the cast from Grease, and Chris came over for a bit. He started talking about him being SO proud of me for going back to school and that he just knew that this would be the start of a great time in my life and that Mary Lynn was so excited and proud too and that my dad and sister are so excited and that I have a network of great people pushing me and supporting me in this and that I'm too damn smart to be a part time waitress and what classes are you going to take and what do you want to do with the rest of your life, etc etc. A few minutes later, I had this really, really uncomfortable feeling... and I thought, "Holy shit, I'm about to start bawling like a freakin toddler..." Well, lo and behold, the floodgates didn't exactly burst, but there was a slow steady leak for about half an hour while Chris continued to brag on me. Once he realized that he wasn't going to be able to joke it away, he said, "Sweetie, I know you're stressed, and this is a huge change in your life, but I just KNOW that you're going to get into a classroom and realize that this is what you need to do right now."

Here's the weird part to this story: WHY the hell was I crying??? At first I thought it was because I had the man I love telling me how proud of me he, and everyone important to me, are. I mean, who wouldn't cry, right? Then it hit me.

I've dropped college twice before, and now, everyone's watching me and trusting me and cheering me on... What if I screw it all up again?

That gigantic thought of self-doubt and whatnot HURT. I mean, physically hurt. So, I made up my mind last night. Here it is:
To Chris, Mary Lynn, Seester, Dad, Jeanne and everyone else, but most importantly, to me-

I'm going to finish this time. I'm going to try harder, actually study, get help when I know I need it, not overload myself, and I'm going to frakking graduate. I'm not saying it'll be by next summer or anything, but I WILL FINISH THIS TIME.

With that being said, I'm going to STOP putting off filling out my FAFSA, wrap up this pissy, emo post, and get my butt in gear.

.......but before that I want to lighten the mood a touch.

I shall regale you with a story.

...Actually, after sitting here at Atlanta Bread Company (where I must thief internets) for over 30 minutes listening to music and trying to think of a funny story, I realized that all my really funny stories are with Seester! So, instead of a story, you're going to get a ton of random picture of she and I.

I lurve you, Seester!!!!

Now, it's FAFSA time!

My First Blog (which includes but is not limited to a To Do List, Some Venting, and a wicked bout of Insomnia)

Ok, here's the deal. It's 3:30 a.m. and I'm thiefing internets from Atlanta Bread because I'm a broke kid who can't afford her own. I can't sleep, I watched Bride Wars earlier and it left a foul taste in my brain, and I'm being pissy. That's the rough layout here.

To Do ASPA: (in no particular order)

Learn how to tag ASPA as being an intentional misspelling for Seester

Quit Smoking

Get a damn job

Take a shower

Find a new (read. less shitty) apartment

Figure out if the guy parked about a hundred yards away is a cop

I hate waiting tables. I quit in March-ish because my other job paid quite well. I just quit that job (which I've had for about 10 years (I'm 22, if that puts it into perspective)) because my 47 year old boss has a weird/creepy crush on me. I was getting $20/hr, which was awesome for a 22 year old who doesn't have a degree, but I was having to pull WAY more than it was worth. I got to be his full time personal assistant, secretary, damage control officer (the man has the social tact of roadkill), phone book, driving buddy, employee, and the object of his awkward creepy affections. All for the bargain price of 20 bucks an hour. Plus, about half the work I did was at his UN-air conditioned shop. Let me tell you that 107 degrees outside is about 192 inside a gigantic metal building with no air circulating. Add to that the weird sexual tension and it made for a working environment about as pleasant as getting a haircut from a palsy victim the day before your wedding while listening to 14 tone deaf 7th graders singing along with all three High School Musical soundtracks.

Now, I'm looking for any job I can and waiting tables in the futile hopes of making enough money to survive the rest of the summer. Fun little sidenote: I got my electricity bill today... $152. Oh, and it's due on the 23rd. Phone bill due the 24th, $130. Rent due the 1st, $428. LIFE RULES!!

Ok, now for something less... that.

Now, isn't that better? It's an adorable little puppy, sleeping on my bosom.

And with that, I'm off to bed... I hope. G'night, all!