Hyper-Whelmed

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed.... but can you ever be just 'whelmed'?"

"I think you can in Europe..."

I applied for college yesterday. I know school starts in like 3 weeks, but better late than never, right? I hope so... because last night, I was hanging out with some of the cast from Grease, and Chris came over for a bit. He started talking about him being SO proud of me for going back to school and that he just knew that this would be the start of a great time in my life and that Mary Lynn was so excited and proud too and that my dad and sister are so excited and that I have a network of great people pushing me and supporting me in this and that I'm too damn smart to be a part time waitress and what classes are you going to take and what do you want to do with the rest of your life, etc etc. A few minutes later, I had this really, really uncomfortable feeling... and I thought, "Holy shit, I'm about to start bawling like a freakin toddler..." Well, lo and behold, the floodgates didn't exactly burst, but there was a slow steady leak for about half an hour while Chris continued to brag on me. Once he realized that he wasn't going to be able to joke it away, he said, "Sweetie, I know you're stressed, and this is a huge change in your life, but I just KNOW that you're going to get into a classroom and realize that this is what you need to do right now."

Here's the weird part to this story: WHY the hell was I crying??? At first I thought it was because I had the man I love telling me how proud of me he, and everyone important to me, are. I mean, who wouldn't cry, right? Then it hit me.

I've dropped college twice before, and now, everyone's watching me and trusting me and cheering me on... What if I screw it all up again?

That gigantic thought of self-doubt and whatnot HURT. I mean, physically hurt. So, I made up my mind last night. Here it is:
To Chris, Mary Lynn, Seester, Dad, Jeanne and everyone else, but most importantly, to me-

I'm going to finish this time. I'm going to try harder, actually study, get help when I know I need it, not overload myself, and I'm going to frakking graduate. I'm not saying it'll be by next summer or anything, but I WILL FINISH THIS TIME.

With that being said, I'm going to STOP putting off filling out my FAFSA, wrap up this pissy, emo post, and get my butt in gear.

.......but before that I want to lighten the mood a touch.

I shall regale you with a story.

...Actually, after sitting here at Atlanta Bread Company (where I must thief internets) for over 30 minutes listening to music and trying to think of a funny story, I realized that all my really funny stories are with Seester! So, instead of a story, you're going to get a ton of random picture of she and I.

I lurve you, Seester!!!!

Now, it's FAFSA time!